Today I am 40

Yes indeed, today is my birthday.  I was born 40 years to a  young mother (aren't they all) in St Paul Minnesota.  I was born on a Monday, the day after Mother's Day.  That's the way I was, always going to make my mother earn it.  I was a cute lil thing. Round face. Lots of hair, just like my kids. If you've seen Calli or kit- you've seen me as a baby.

Hard to believe I am 40 - don't tell my mom,  she still says she's 39  :) - I don't feel 40, I don't think I look 40.  But what does 40 feel & look like? I guess how I feel & look.  Tired for sure, but that happened when I first had kids 16 years ago.  The few gray hairs I have are the same ones I had at 20. I definitely feel aches more.  And I'm starting to see wrinkles.  Things sure do sag more than they used to, but I'm sure 6 babies didn't help the cause on that.  I can play on the "old-timers" softball league, but that is for people 35 & up. I just don't feel old.  And when I was called "middle -aged" the other day I would've shot lasers if I could have.  Being 40 doesn't bother me.  Its just an age.  Being called middle-aged is a perception, a judgment even. That I don't like being called.  I certainly plan on living longer than 80.  I've got too much aggravation to provide. 

Time is so weird.  The first 20 years of my life went by so slowly.  Playground, daycare, school, homework, friends,  sports, work - Routine, someone else calling the shots, dependence.  Birth, School, Work, Death (anyone else know that song?)  Now I have a life that is quite void of a routine, even if I wanted it to be, many people completely dependent on me. Within certain parameters I call the shots, although I am certainly a slave to my kids sports and other activities. And this last 20 years have flown by.  I guess its true that time flies when you are having fun.  And I am.  I am having an absolute blast.  Not that everyday is a great day, but big picture, I could not have asked for anything more. 

Funny thing is, if someone can up to me 20 years ago and said hey - time to make some choices.  One of your choices is a wonderful husband that is utterly devoted to you and 1st priority in his life is to make you happy.  Along with that comes 6 kids, that you will homeschool.  6 kids that will love you, question you, push you to insanity, make you laugh uncontrollably, and cause you more than once to look for the car keys so you can journey far away for a very long time, but you never will. A small farm where you will be feeding pigs, chasing goats, and milking those same goats, tending to steers, herding sheep, and keeping some chickens & ducks.  In a very rural area 1 hour away from a "real" city. (remember born & raised in a major metropolitan area, small town is a major adjustment for me). You will not have a "career".  Nice clothes are a complete waste of money until your youngest child is 10. You will not get paid with dollars, only hugs, kisses and at times complete irritation & disdain by your teenagers.  You will be completely undervalued by the world, and at times by your own family.  You will be actively working from sunrise to sundown, and even then you will still be on-call.  There is no time off, there is no vacation, only a change of scenery.  You liked being a short order cook? Great because from now on nearly every meal will be provided by you. And with 8 people in the family you will have fun putting something on the table that is nutritional and tasty to everyone.  And remember the adults in the family do not want to eat the same thing twice in the same week.  Traveling is definitely something you will do a lot of.  Not to other countries or states, but to soccer, 4-h, art, performances, this activity that activity. You'll be traveling all the time.  You will get plenty of me time - when you are waiting in the car for children to have completed their activity.  And this man you can't get enough of now - you won't get enough of him later either.  Between work and farm and kids - you'll still be scheduling dates.  But not being 20 years old anymore you will need to sleep, so guess what gets pushed to the side?  That's right, romance.  But think of how much fun you will have with an empty house in 20 more years. And since you like challenges, your husband, best friend, and partner, will travel a lot.  This will give you opportunity to appreciate how hard it was for your mother and other single parents to raise your children and appreciate your husband that much more.  You will use your college degree daily in raising & teaching your children.  Your vocabulary will be absolutely diminished as you spend most of your time interpreting and speaking to young people. As your children get older and their vocabulary expands you will look like a complete dunce to them as you search for a word that means really, really  big.  (You mean "expansive" mom?!)  You will have some great friends to share your burdens, joys & sorrows with, but with your moving frequently you will also lose touch with some wonderful people.


How about it?  Sound like a great way to spend the next 20 years of your life?  I'm not sure I would have said yes, sign me up. Sounds great.  Exactly what I have dreamed about.  I always wanted to be a slave!  Will I really get to pick up puke, and clean out poopy pants at the grocery store when I couldn't get a  four-year old to the bathroom quick enough?  Will I truly be able to run through cornfields chasing sheep a mile away?  Do you promise that my husband will be gone every January so I can shovel/plow the driveway by myself? How could I say no?

But then I would have missed the hugs and kisses and cuddles & "I love you - enough" and "Happy Birthdays", and "I don't want you I want Mommy", and "Mama you are the best" and "I am so lucky to have you as a mom" and "Thank you mom" and the smiles and the laughs, the quiet times and the loud times and all the indescribable times that makes my life worth living.  No better than that. Makes my life fantastic.  And while I would trade with someone for a day, I would never give up my life and the people I share it with.

I am thrilled to be 40 years old.  It has been years well spent.  So when you look at this 40 year old body and you see the extra weight, that is weight I put on creating 6 wonderful people.  When you see the wrinkles that are starting, those are wrinkles from laughing and crying and spending many days playing & working in the sun.  The gray hairs - well I had those at 20, so those just are.

Thank you to my mom for having me, I wouldn't change a thing. I like who I am, and my childhood had much to do with it.  Thank you to my friends for being their for me in person & virtually.  I am very lucky to have people who care about me and share experiences with me and like me anyway.  Thank you to my children who have brought me untold joy that far outweighs the trials & tribulations.  Thank you to my extended family for still claiming me as yours.  Thank you to my husband for sharing your life with me, there is no one else I would rather share this adventure with.  Thanks to everyone who has come into my life (or left it) to make my life so spectacular.  I am grateful to you all.  I look forward to another wonderful 40 years and seeing what life has in store for me, I just hope they go a little slower.